Feeling SO Alive.

A year ago yesterday I didn't know what to do with myself. People in my life who were young and amazing have passed on at an early age. When I lost my cousin I didn't know what to think. She was young, ambitious, beautiful, lively, and everything else under the sun good and bad. (She had to have been bad cause nobody is truely perfect) But to me I adored her, I adored that she had fun in college, that she was young and beautiful, looked innocent - but her last name Rumbolz gave that away. The passing of my cousin changed my life, I started taking life slower, not stressing the small stuff and not stressing the big stuff either. I have always had the mind set that things get worked out within time. But her passing put a different effect on me, she now gives me strength when I am down and gives me wisdom when I don't know where to turn. I think to myself "What would Charity do" and I know that she would sit back and watch and wait, even though she was very actionful if she knew she couldn't do it right away and fix it to be then she would wait for the right to jump into action. Thanksgiving of 2013 it was snowing outside in Grand Coulee, but me and my ambition wanted to see my cousins. I recieved the best advice among my parents divorce and I then knew that I was not alone. That thanksgiving we talked about how crazy life changes, how fast life moves, and most of all the future of life. We talked about how we were going to meet up with all the cousins and our kids and our significant others when we were old, and going on cousin camping trips as well as maybe even living in the same town so our kids could experience more activities outside of the holidays.
I never thought in a million years that MY cousin could pass in something so simple and perceived to be so safe. To this day, I think about her everyday, and I would love to just drink a mimosa with a fruit snickers salad once more. It's crazy to think that someone is more alive once their dead... More alive in spirit and soul once their sound and smell is gone. I will never understand why the best ones are taken early, and to be completely honest she had her whole life about her and it scares me because I have my life planned out to a T. Same reason why I slew down my mojo. Sit back, buy coffee everyday, smell my surroundings and belief that time is to short. Its to short to sit at that job all day, to short to not enjoy the sunshine, to short to buy a house at 23, to short to live in repeat mode. Cousin, I miss you and your sister will soon be with me inking your song words on my leg because they are the walk of life.

I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind



Love.